what it isn't

England's alright.

2010-07-05T12:37:00.001-07:00

Didn't actually write one post while I was away, isn't that funny.

Still baffled by how you can leave one place for a lengthy period of time, squeeze so much into that duration, yet return to the same place to find that NOTHING has changed, and everything is still in the same condition you left it in. That is of course, excluding the countries welfare being left in another wanky primeinisters hands (fuck off?).

In conclusion: Qantas is a time machine.

Anyway as I said; a lot was squeezed in. Boy did I squeeze.

But 8 months away is nowhere near enough, 3 months in Sydney is CERTAINLY not enough, and spending time apart from the surrogate family and friends I love is already proving to be too much. Therefore I've made the potentially life-altering decision to move there permanently this coming September. Thus leaving you all in the shit (re: this coalition governement) feel kinda guilty but mum, you can always downsize.

I miss you Sydney. Brighton; please don't feel insignificant or dispensable in anyway, I still love you. Just like in a different way, and not as much.

To end on a high here is a photo of Milo's pubes.

And that's what you get for hacking my password while I'm in the shower.

thank goth for that

2009-10-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

Firstly - Happy Halloweiner to the people in good costumes. ie. not those of you dressed as Robert Patinson or Kristen Stewart, a likely 1/2 of Englands population. Because 1. you'll look like a paley twat in fangs/a modern take H&M vampire and 2. you do not have the cheekbones, just saying.

Secondly, being a phattt hypocrit, I was going to go as Jacob Black at first. Only due to this incredibly inspirational make up tutorial i found on youtube of an asian guy giving himself an 8pack in the mirror using eyeshadow. But i didn't want to be smuggling peanuts in public/people to see me naked, 8 pack or not.

In other news, I nearly drowned in a bowl of apples this week. Frantically bobbing for apples at Audio on Thursday night, got carried away when 'free shot' was mentioned. Thanks god for making me so attractive. Proceeded to come home at 4 with work the next day, and microwave fish fingers only to be rediscovered in there the following morning, and eat all the trick or treaters sweets, sorry mum.

Anyway for those of you who actually read this blog (thanks but why) you'll know I'm leaving in 3 weeks for NZ/AUS/USA, which in effect means I will have reason to post relevant blogs and you will actually have something worth reading, fingers crossed. Last couple of months here have been pretty good though despite having diagnosed myself with S.A.D.

There have been a couple of really good birthdays (mine) and failed attempts of surprise parties (Vian)

Some of my friends living in London were throwing Vian a surprise 21st(?) birthday party at their house so i went up for it, and on the way bumped into her, pretended i was chilling in the neighbourhood alone, subtly ran to their place but really no one had any idea what time they'd be back so we hid for about an hour in the silence of their pitch black living room, then when her and her girlfriend finally returned they went straight upstairs to have sex.

None the less was a brilliant weekend, was sick, passed out, woke up to party again tripped over composed party goers on floor and managed to defy gravity and spill a pint from underneath me on to my entire face. Once again, thanks god ;)

BASICALLY if you read between the lines you should get from this a. goodbye england b. ill miss you c. don't apple bob when intoxicated and boys claiming to be freelance apple bobbers are telling you to go hard and deep d. thinking about it ill people probably bobbed in there too which would explain my lingering cough and e. i shouldn't blog about shit like this, don't judge

bye y'alllll xxxx

Shitember 2009

2009-09-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone has departed, gone their separate ways to london/foreign countries/counties whatever. I however, have began a full time job at Amex. I know what you're thinking - the phones. Well actually, it isn't. It's admin, so F you.

I booked flights yesterday for my travels, basically i've booked a return to one country and one country only (NZ hi emily if you're reading this) and then I just figured i could cancel/rearrange whenever i wanted/when i've found a boy(s) to drive me across the world/america. So it may appear casual and vague at the minute when in reality everything is going to plan.

Erm, to be quite honest not sure what my intentions were when creating this blog so i suppose i'd better write a bit about something first - Photos? i have about 50 000 000 disposable films waiting to be developed no exaggeration so expect a couple of blogs before i go of shit quality images of things you can't make out.

a bit like these. peace x

PS i bought an iphone because i'm now a business woman, london on my weekend off. Pretty businesswoman like.

gay day

2009-08-01T16:32:00.000-07:00

ok so i really want to post a blog, but i want to wait until i get pictures back.

of brighton pride,

aka today,

aka ive been drinking for over 12 houra straight and have mud somehow up to my thighs and i looks like i've pood myself and it was really fun and butch lesbians are disgusting no offense tess(loveyou), but really the float was horrible. and now i have trenchfoot,

photos tomorrow. luvcha xxx

the bug upple

2009-07-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

This time last year we had already accomplished Benicassim and were temporarily residing in New York. Best, holiday, ever. aka Brighton = one depressing mother effer.

In the US of A for some reason everyone thought our "british" accents were kiwi ones, eg

"so where are you guyses from in New Zealand?" "..errm. what?"

we unwillingly overheard a lot of sex, Alice caressed a strangers hand on the subway because she thought it was mine, Milo got his arse pinched in china town because he's asian lookin', we got accused in McDonalds of stealing a woman's "fillayy" o' fish, and then in Ithaca.. for a cat that is strictly housebound, and a garden that is full of wilderness such a bears and other wild.. beasts, we probably let the cat escape a FEW (six) too many times.

Alice was alergic to the cats.

We went speed boating down the finger lake at sunset that Whoopie Goldberg has a house on, don't thinkk we saw her.. Me and Alice couldn't go wakeboarding because we severely needed a poo. Other than that - was inCREDible.

wish i was back.

LARGEEE format

2009-07-31T15:27:00.001-07:00

i love you.

but die

Dude looks like a lady.

2009-07-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

Some of my final prints from our Final Major Project on the course i just finished, apart from they were all printed on to cakes, as in rectangular A4 sized actual birthday cakes. Sophie Rickett inspired; girls portraying repugnant male behaviour. Lap it up

Models: Mille Lily and Emily Hayler

proud of this one

2009-04-30T16:40:00.001-07:00

Definately a future career in either poetry or rap to the muthafucking ping.

Recently, as in; since we've been back at college in the studio/darkroom since Easter holidays, the weather has kindly decided to become 20 times HOTTTER, they can't seriously expect us to attend.

So as well as meeting deadlines and overlapping past, present and new projects, the main bulk of my time has been spent lurking in parks with BBQs, but really, and i mean REALLY unorganised ones. Not even unorganised in the sense of "let's go and have a spontaneous bbq", more in the way that it had been (sadly) planned for days then when it actually came to it we were so over-excited that we bought a £1 disposable bbq, grey prawns, jelly and frankfurters, but no cutlery..? So we ate the sausages on keys and the jelly off of milo's face (library card) and milo set alight his knee without noticing for a while.

BBQ/bike ride tomorrow, work saturday, london sunday, bank holiday monday. Amazing?

who knows

2009-04-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

what kinda shit went down last night. we were definately keepin it real/old school, as in when you're 14 and have nowhere to drink so you hang around parks and street corners old school, very nostalgic (sad). however this situation was a little different; we were perched on a carpark stairwell not for lack of location, but for shame of our beerbonging stunts/fear of the popo, loved the thrills. better not make it a habit

really not sure what my jaw is doing here, playing up for attention or something

complete with hiphop accapella medleys for the walk into town, no fit state to enter a nightclub. which is evident from the bruises i woke up with (on the palm of my hand what?) and vague memory of hurling/falling over a toilet cubicle wall. alll in a nights work, adieu x

easter & taylor warren

2009-04-12T06:55:00.001-07:00

Taylor Warren in Topshop. She was lovely and really surprised to even get recognised and basically i'm in love; me and Is have been reading about her for a while because she's just radically buffting and wears good stuff. it is kinda hilarious how in each picture though either one of them has their eyes closed, i should probably merge them both on photoshop or something so they both look semi awake/special..

anyway usually for easter we get a shittilion of eggs that i end up giving to friends and pretending i bought just to get rid of a few.

This year, mum thought it best to get me a razor, which is nice because i do kinda need one but at the same time saying i'm too fat and hairy, which is fine.

Last year our little cousin Asher made this easter card in school which was immense, normally you'd expect the colourful egg shaped illustration, but he went all out and made a pop up jesus on the cross, tracy emin eat your heart out. can't wait for this years, maybe he'll put it in a bible this year, or an installation? We'll see.

gotta get workin/choppin veg, g'bye x

workin choppin & easterin

old people

2009-04-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

kiiiinda need to chill out.

i know usually old people are really cute, odd smelling/looking but cute, and this isn't a masive generalisation so before you judge me on being a complete anti o.a.p. nazi let me just set the scene for you...

9pm, at the bar of the pub i work at. no women in sight apart from the barstaff, aka me, and sometimes one other. the Jam greatest hits is on repeat at the request of the punters that perhaps consider themselves the younger "cooler" ones because they know how to work things like "the youtube" and download music. stood and sat around the bar are the (OOOLDDDDD) men who have been drinking stella out of the same glass since 4 in the afternoon. inevitably, one of them farts. inevitably, i have to leave.

but for genuine fear that the vomit i just swallowed back down is going to stream out of my nostrils.

then i regain my strength after walking it off, and arrive back at the bar to an angry THIRSTY mob of elderly men saying things like "can you get any service here? are we keeping you up? you look like you havn't had enough sleep, or TOO MUCH sleep, story of my life.. i don't have a bed"

what does that even mean? one of them genuinely looked shakey and tearful. the farter, of course keeping quiet.

But on the other hand, some are really sweet, and i actually consider one to be a best friend (sort of not really), he's there every day because he's reluctant to face his soon to be ex wife at home and we've had an emotional rollercoaster of conversations, but at the end of the day we alwayss av a laff. it's nice to be able to chat shit about anything to someone though and know they aren't going to judge you or tell you what you SHOULD probably do. he's like the 46 year old brother i never had.

basically, i do love my job. and basically, i don't understand how probably 0.6 of my posts have turned out work related.

peace bye

It's Blitz (YYYs)... good

R Kelly... better. Milo's itunes is nostalgic heaven

the great escape

2009-04-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this week i booked both my Benicassim festival ticket and my flights, which lets just say set me back a fair bit/has deprived me of going out for atleast a month, but let's just hope it's worth it. And if not, at least i'll have some sort of tan to show for it, and by tan i obviously mean pinkish brown blotches. hott.

Anyway, i don't know if this is cheating or not because i didn't take it but.. regardless. This is a photo Milo took of me and i love it, SUMMER is on it's way in Brighton.

And you should all come to The Great Escape fesitval 09, Milo and i are working for it, on the wrist band exchange.. cheeekyy. Bands such as ...

THE MACCABEES * WHITE DENIM * KASABIAN * LIGHTSPEED CHAMPION * METRIC * LITTLE BOOTS * BRITISH SEA POWER * BLACK LIPS * CAGE THE ELEPHANT * HOLY FUCK * MONGREL * IPSO FACTO * THE PIPETTES * LIAM FINN * MIKA MIKO * OX.EAGLE.LION.MAN. * BETH JEANS HOUGHTON

etc etc are playing. Goo brighton, no idea why all of this is underlined erm weird.

On a different and completely unrelated subject, went down Preston Park to go play basketball with Jack, Milo and their sisters Phoebe and Tess the other day which was really fun at the time but what i've slightly taken to offense is how i somehow managed to pull every muscle in my body, as if i'm going to do stretches first. it was meant to be friendly? xxx

goods and bads

2009-03-23T14:39:00.001-07:00

of life at the moment.

+ sunshine. if winter makes a come back now i am packing the fuck up and moving to Bangladesh

+ forbidden fruit, ie. hot dad men. definately a no go area, seeing as they are most likely to be married, and very probably have a child(ren).. but that's not to say i can't think about hot dad men or about being hot dad mans woman?

+ fresh 'Refil Pads'. There's something internally gratifying about 80 clean pages of a4 paper with ruled feint & margin. call me "cooky".

- DIY haircuts. to be honest i have no idea why i always think it's ok to put myself through it, then remember afterwards why it isn't. I just don't want to get told off by my ACTUAL hairdresser for bad condition/have £45. luckily this time it didn't end in tears, but i've still not learnt.

- Working at a pub where the average age is 60. old men have had apprx. 40 years more life experience of paying for drinks than you, therefore always know how much change they have given you, make sure you study the note properly.

- Men who think it's alright to grunt at the gym. it's not.

I took the day off college today to try and get the majority of 'Allegory' finished howeverr.. my day was not as productive as i might have hoped. And so my attention was primarily absorbed in this months Nylon and this book above, 'The Bloody Chamber'. It's a selection of short stories written by Angela Carter. She has taken a variety of classics and distorted them into her own graphic and somewhat offensively crude tales. Carter herself is an unrelenting feminist, which definately comes across through a number of the stories. I'd advise not picking this one up if you're a prude, but it's definately worth a ganderss.

Elk Street

2009-02-19T04:32:00.000-08:00

I've been looking forward to today for ages, it should be fuckin ahole if i have a productive.. period of time between now at 5pm.

Rory, Nick, Milo and me are all going to the Black Lips at Audio which is going to be sooooooooooooo good. it's at confined-space-galore which means everyones going to be close and sweaty and jumping, 10 x funner than shitfaces who stand still at the concorde then get so fucking aggy when you try and squeeze through to get to the front.

I need to be inventive with an outfit that has a couple of good cross drafts so that i don't go red as fuck and faint/crushed by the jumpers

Also, for your pleasure, i was on the internet last night looking up places to go in Canada. And i came across this town called Banff and I looked it up on google satellite whatever and EVERY SINGLE STREET is named after an animal, there was Elk St, Moose St, Squirrel St, Muskrat St, Wolf St and the list goes on. I just found it really hilarious/cute. Booking tickets soon bye

mama didnt raise no fool

2009-02-17T16:57:00.001-08:00

shalom

i just got in from work,

was 'chilled'

i love how it is actually my downfall, ie clearly i have no will power around free food/drink/peanuts/guardian crossword

anyway. basically i've now finished both The Great Gatsby AND a Tale of Two Cities, does anyone have any good reccomendations that isn't twilight or harry potter because i'd rather piss into a goblet of fire and drink it

this week is pretty good because it's half term, not that i have anything to show for it apart from a title page, some high waisted levis and an empty purse/5stone in weight gained.

actually, complete lie. me and milo went for a really nice bike ride to the marina and back, we ventured into the 'big brand store' - obviously being lured in by the exotic name. we were curious. milo ended up buying a disposable camera for 1.50 and me a packet of haribos from the 17th century that fell apart in my mouth. this is where my life goes wrong.

anyway we took loads of pictures and milo showed me how to ride without handlebars so F you hannah rowan. we also watched total recall, arnold schwartz is possibly the best undercover agent suffering from servere memory loss on mars i've ever seen. whattababe

miloski belgrovski

2009-02-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

i need to make you

a birthday card

alas i cannot

because i'm a retard

no motivation

of the card making type

whatsoever

because i'm shite.

hither today

we have established

that nothing rhymes

with established

it has also been noted

that i'm retarded and shit

so if you want

i'll sign your tit

as your birthday card.

but i know you won't

let me

Bane of my life

2009-02-09T12:49:00.001-08:00

aka CCB.

i'm errywhere

Glastonbury or Benicassim?

2009-02-09T12:40:00.001-08:00

OBVIOUSLY BOTH

please god let me come into a nice amount of money sometime soon/knowledge of a wise spanish 19 year old girl, preferably with a wider vocab than 'supermarcado' as to not get stuck in the back of a spaniards car with two northern strangers giving directions with their thumbs. he thought he was gettin' lucky.

also not sure whether it's really embarrassing or just really devo that i'm already creeped out by the cringe of the last blog, to be fair it was an emotional month. which only further confirmed i am USELESS IN ENGLAND, anyway masterchefs on slaters

i'm naked, i'm numb, i'm stupid, i'm staying

2009-01-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

Two songs i can't get out of my head

The best fucking cover i've heard in ages, good effort on Emilie Simon's part.

More importantly, Brighton/City college is the bane of my life, the longer i am here the longer boredom/serious consideration of death prevails, and shut up i know you're all thinking it.

So basically what i'm trying to say is that i finished the great gatsby and watched enough gossip girl to actually have convinced myself i'm in it, so if anyone wants to do the BA £230 flight to JFK before march seriously, let me know.

Hasty reply would be greatly appreciated, not that i NEED anyone to go with..

as if it's 2009 already?

2009-01-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

no idea where 2008 went but was definately a completely amazing year full of new faces/places/i only liked summer but whatever.

New years resolutions to attempt to follow are:

1) try to achieve lux babe status, slender figure and tan included. that way i won't be heaps dissapointed if i don't achieve that one because chances of acquiring a tan in the south of england during winter are slim.

2) soundproof my entire house so my life/sleep is no longer interrupted (ruined) by xtina aguilera at 6.30 am combined with shrieking/arguments about school uniform.

3) attend college 4 days a week maybe even 5, and not complain/actually do the work.

4) get through a day at work without spilling or drinking a drink

5) brush hair REGULARLY

6) tidy my entire bedroom and not just sections so that i can find important letters/cheques and embrace new found money in the bank

7) flee england and move to australia/italy/france and find a really beautiful aussie/italian/french person

8-10) think of more stuff i'm shit at in life to improve by 2010

happy new year?xxxx

je-sus-walks

2008-12-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

in about 10 days near enough. I wouldn't have known this if mother hadn't done the right thing and bought me an advent calender this year; just one of the few perks of having a temporarily bed-bound parent - boredom prevails, aka hello internet shopping extravaganza, nice 1 muvvaar. Cannot complain.

This weekend has been an odd one, and all i've succeeded in realising is always have an infinate supply of pritsticks stored idon'tcarewhere just to avoid any internal rage/self hatrid, always double check you have the address of the party right.. To erm, bypass other's experiencing possible frustration through perpetual taxi journeys, which conveniently brings me to my third realisation; when under the influence, Gala is right, you are definately wrong.

And finally, if one should ever lie, one should do it well. And probably sober.

appy bday jesus x

ps 68 pages into this work journal i had better get a mofuckin distinction